What a wonderful day it was the day our second child was born. Matthew was 5 years old at the time, and was very excited. Matthew was going to be the big brother and helped out when he could. I still remember how scared and excited he looked when he first held Luke. The hospital room was filled with pure joy and peace and I will never forget how complete we felt as a family. Matthew and Luke loved each other from day one. I remember when Luke got a little older if Matthew entered the room he was full of excitement. I would even have to tell Matthew to leave the room or do not come in his bedroom when it was nap time. Luke always interacted with his brother the older that he got and when I was holding him if he even heard Matthew’s voice he would shake with excitement. A brother’s bond is like no other for sure.
As Luke regressed in the world of autism he soon lost all excitement, and did not play with Matthew. Instead Luke would go around the house not paying any attention to us, making vocal stims, or banging toys on his knee. My heart was crushed! How could this happen? How does things change so quickly? My heart was broke but I was more heartbroken that Luke did not want to play or interact with Matthew like before.
Matthew being the loving brother that he is still tried to get Luke to do things with him when he could. He still would hug on Luke and try to help me with him during my table time therapy and would even help the therapist. Matthew has always been there for his brother and I think that having a brother with special needs makes a sibling more loving, compassionate, and understanding of others needs.
With intense therapy and as Luke has gotten older, his interaction with Matthew and us has somewhat came back. I love to watch how Luke interacts with Matthew in his own way. He usually vocal stims a lot and he loves to get very loud when Matthew is playing a game on the Xbox. He knows he is busy talking to one of his friends, and Luke tries to make noise over them. He usually just laughs and screams at Matthew to get his attention. Matthew does get mad at him sometimes when he just will not stop, and his friends can hear him screaming into the mic. Awhile after this has happened, Matthew will go and hug Luke and wrestle with him to give him the attention he is wanting. They don’t “play” like normal brothers would do but it is in their own way they connect. Luke has no words but Matthew knows what he wants and tries to give him the attention that he craves.
To say it is easy all the time I would be lying. Some days are very hard and it is hard to have a sibling with autism. Some places that one child can go or take part in such as a church event, school play, or movies, the other child can not go. Luke would not be able to be quiet or still. I know that Matthew wants Luke to be able to go places and it makes him sad.
While working on this blog post today Matthew said something to me that gave me hope and peace that the world is beginning to understand autism and the hardships that comes with that. Matthew told me that his friend that he plays with on the Xbox could hear Luke through the mic. Matthew’s friend said “don’t worry I know someone that is like that too.” His friend has a cousin with autism. I think after him saying that it was less embarrassing for Matthew. The small things people can say can mean the most.
I think Matthew has matured way beyond his years with having to deal with things like going with us to take Luke to numerous doctor appointments, having therapy in our home, to driving an hour away from home to get more therapy. Our life and our home has changed but one thing that does not change is the love we have for each other.
We are his voice he is our whole world…..
